Lately I have been in the biggest funk. I posted an entry about depression, my depression more specifically, and I loved the response I received from it. So much positivity and love, which is something that everyone needs. It really helped my heart and it was beautiful.
The truth is, I have struggled with depression for a long time. Quietly of course, never bothering anyone with it. Dance was an amazing outlet, when I had the extra time. Then I met my husband. He saw through my facade that was so strong and built up. No one else saw through it, only him. I am so thankful that he did because without that, I would never have been able to begin my process to recovery.
This is an uphill battle, I still have my funks. I call it “Getting Funky,” it really does help me get through it without losing too much of my progress. If I can think of my funks in a funny way I can usually bounce back from them much faster. It took me a while to see it this way. My husband, Ray, was an essential puzzle piece to finding the humor in everything. He always makes me laugh, even when it is the last thing that I want to do. He is always going out of his way to make me smile. So, i figured, if he is always trying to make me laugh when I am in my funk, why can’t I do the same thing?
The answer, I quickly found out, is because I take my depression too seriously. Once I realized that, I realized what I could do to turn it around in my worst times.
Step One:
I am a planner. I like to plan everything, make lists for everything, and I enjoy routines. Ever since my depression first set in, I have gone in and out of planning phases. The one thing I really realized was that the busier my schedule is for me to look at the more calm and accomplished I feel. I will also write in Pink or Glitter when my funky days were. This really helps me to see if there is ever a pattern or length of time when I am in them. Not only does it help me learn to deal with them, it also helps me stay calm and not let my anxiety get the best of me when I cannot remember periods of time…due to my funks. (yes, that actually happens to me).
Step Two:
Set Goals. I have started setting myself small goals. Every week for now, but I want to work up to everyday goals. Things I can hit everyday. Small things like writing 2 blog posts a week, working out at least 30 minutes 4 times a week, or cleaning my house every Sunday. Things that I can feel accomplished about every time I finish one of them. That accomplished feel, I have found, keeps me going toward my other goals.
Step Three:
Cut out the negativity in your life. This is a huge one! I have so much negativity surrounding me, either in social media, work, or just my everyday life. I have started to weed it out. Ray and I moved to New Mexico with my father, we lived with him for the last year and a half in order to help make the transition smoother. All it ended up doing was making my depression worse. All the strides I had made before we moved were erased very quickly and replaced with fear, stress, and laziness. I never wanted to do anything, no creativity, no drive or motivation, I barely wanted Ray around me. All because of my dad. He is old, set in his ways, and frankly, a jackass. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my dad. He was more than a little girl could ask for in a father. However, as an adult, he is unyielding in his opinions. He does not listen to others who blatantly know more than him about certain subjects. We had no privacy that a husband an wife should have, he tried sticking his nose where it did not belong constantly. Trying to “tell on” my husband for things I knew about before he ever did. My first step to weed out negativity was to move out of the house we shared with my dad. We need our own space, it is as simple as that. After many upsets (which did not help my stress levels) and many places not accepting pets ( i mean, come on) we finally found our space. I can tell you this, after one week here I am more motivated, happier and have not had a funky day all week. That is significant. My next step is to weed out the negativity on my social medias. Too many people are so negative all the time for such insignificant reasons that all I want to do is share my story with them and see how they feel afterwards. Then I think to myself, they are not my problem, their problems are not my problem, and all I need to do is delete them so I no longer have to look at it. I need positivity and light around me. Without it, I will never move past my depression.
So, now I get funky with my depression. I write out my funky days, I set goals for me to reach and feel proud of, and I remove the negativity from my life where I can. It helps me feel more in control of a disorder that is uncontrollable.
